Bedtime story # 7

A turnoff

You are taking a walk on the beach and you see that gorgeous surfer getting out of the sea with his surfing board, muscular suntanned body; he shakes his head to get rid of some water from his golden hair e slowly raises his eyes to you and you see mucus coming from his runny nose. Could this possibly be worse? Yes, it could: he cleans his nose with his bare hands and throws the mucus away, almost hitting you;

You are taking a walk on the beach and you see that gorgeous surfer getting out of the sea with her surfing board, muscular suntanned body; she shakes her head to get rid of some water from her golden hair e slowly turns: the only thing you can see is pubic hair coming out from the bikini, like a giant spider that is coming to get you;

Talking about hair, although some men can get charming with that “5 o’clock shadow”, it is not cool when you wake up the day after and see your chin so scratched that it looks like you fell on the street;

That hair that starts growing in your ears and nose is also not charming at all: take it away; it doesn’t hide the fact you going bald. Talking about baldness, do like the Italians: when you start going bald, just shave you head;

You go to the beach together and he/she shows up wearing Rider (The Italians sometimes make fashion mistakes). What’s worse? In my opinion it is as bad as, but some might say socks and sandals!

You go to the seaside together for the first time and you watch your partner going for a run wearing only a bathing suit, a bikini or a speedo, socks and tennis shoes; Record it and make him/ her watch;

Somebody takes his/her shoes off and what you see is warts, long nails, dried skin and a bad smell (clean and dry feet, powder, cotton socks and real non eco leather shoes are the solution);

You have had an eye on each other the whole night and you finally talk: bad breath! Brushing and flossing aren’t enough: The bacteria grow on your tongue. Clean it. If you think it doesn’t happen to you, put your tongue out and take a look in the mirror: if there is anything white or any spots on it, it does!

You have had an eye on each other the whole night and you finally kiss: too much tongue, no tongue at all, too much saliva, too much suction. Kissing is an art in extinction (sight);

You have had an eye on each other the whole night and you finally hug: bad smell. Even if your deodorant advertisement says you have 48 hours of protection, you don’t. Who stays 48 hours without a shower anyway?

Bottom line: Do you want to score? Take a shower, clean your nose alone in the bathroom; get rid of hair the same way you would get rid of your enemies; use deodorant; brush and floss your teeth; brush your tongue and gargle; cut and clean your fingernails; throw your Rider away and never ever wear socks and sandals again and you might get a kiss, that might be your entrance door or your way out.

But if you are a Dutch bag, never mind: there is no perfume able to cover it!

Stefano-Paterna-Valeria-22

Fotógrafo/Photographer: Stefano Paterna (direitos reservados/copyrighted)

www.stefanopaterna.com

Um pensamento sobre “Bedtime story # 7

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